[syndicate]

[anna balint]

02/02/2003 11:36:43, integer at www.god-emil.dk wrote:

netochka,
you are so demanding... 


>
>
>>>http://www.god-emil.dk/m9ndfukc/data/picz/z!mpat!e.4.flu!d!t!.jpg
>>>
>>>you want +?
>>
>>
>>of course i don't want, 
>
>my grandmother commented similarly of several girls
>whilst our fingerprints tiptoed merrily around into breakfast. 01 veranda. 01 summer 
day. 01 ost europa village.
>the sun immense in the sky poured forth upon the world.
>
>then our eyes twinkled and the butterflies opened their mouth ...
>
>and the strawberries ... 

i thought first you saw the strawberries in the night.
i like strawberries too, but i can enjoy them much more,
i have my preferred pears and plums, 
and i see the fountain, the fields and the wood too.



>
>>you also know very well how terrible is if sex and 
>>reproduction is under state control. 
>
>i dont. a modern im ec le sold the garden. \2 buy happiness
>it took me more than a decade to find it. then i scared it away ...
>because 

instead to scare anything away, you should show your happiness!   

>it appears [based on others' accounts] the current `gynecological control` is
>more frequent kompliments NATO's humanitarian assistance -
>in which case we again happily observe progress is inevitable

with all the progress, i still try to build something that would
reflect the garden, but it would be a contemporary city, that could
possibly offer paths for a meaningful life.


>
>
>
>>not speaking about all the rest of the nightmare.
>
>i'll call for tea. please continue.

i drink coffee
- i thought a god could see that.



>>i don't even dear to think that companies can have this kind of control. 
>
>companies of people with arms full of humanitarian assistance are made

i also do my best, but i am not a soldier,
and if you stay at your http:// and you don't want to defend me,
i will ask Frederic.



>
>tzo hard 2 d!zapear
>re:apear re:apear
>! kanot refra!n
>
>like walking the streets
>stroking their egos
>for a dressing gown

i take the dark way, 
whilst you are on your wet way.



>
>
>>>>of course i admire you and i appreciate you,
>>>
>>>why +?
>>
>>because you are intelligent, 
>
>intelligence does not bind humans
>despite the extravagant efforts of our neu+improved society 
>intelligence does not bind humans


true.

>
>
>
>>and stronger than me, 
>
>sometimes before. some modern place. suicide is the only thing one can begin and end
>of one's own free will. 
>
>to believe in something. to believe in someone.

i missed that you beleive in something&somebody.

>
>
>
>>and stronger than me, 
>
>`clever` sentiment. 
>you select to think \so\ because you arent quite your self maintenant.
>we are swimming in a sea of modern sickness and delirium.
>
>i am not stronger than you \4\ i am not you. 
>strength is what binds us.
>
>
>
>>and you have sense of humour [sometimes].
>
>sense of humour and strength are entangled.
>and something else is entangled. 
>
>friktion
>
>
>
>>how many times i thought, 
>
>we want. and what we want is more wealth. and therefore less strength.
>prosperity and riches. faster and faster communication. and therefore less strength.
>
>we want. and what we want is comfort. and therefore less waters of life.
>we want and we are cowards. we need. and therefore less strength.
>
>we follow a regimen of fear.
>from spectacle to dinner to dinner to spectacle. `lovely` people. cloying and sweet.
>we stroke and congratulate. clever lies. plastic silent politics. 
>and therefore less strength.
>a workaholic's orgasm.


>
>
>half the strength of a cricket pinned + burning. like a refreshment on a stake. 
>
>where is anything resembling love
>beneath this polluted noisy HAPPINESS star.
>
>hell - where is en joy ing

in love.
[in cosmic, or moral love as i would say, and heavenly as you could say]
>
>
>
>
>
>>that it is well said, or well done
>
>more kontraktz. i default
>
>bread is less important than enjoying bread

i liked when you came with your heart in your hand,
i liked your diamonds, your music, the ring,
i liked when you were fair, 
or wise, 
and i like that you cook.


>
>as she indicated - i am nobody. xerox

generally speaking i can take a snowflake, warm it up,
and put on a tie on him. 
>

>there was a knight. poor and brave
>  slow of speech and plain
>sad and pale and lonely
>  but proud and disdainful of gain
>
>
>his eyes were shut and blind to all
>  but the image in them cast
>his heart was locked and guarded
>  to keep his secret fast
>
>not a word to woman he spoke
>  no look of soft appeal
>to the grave he'd sworn to take
>  his vision true as steel
>
>round his neck a rosary
>  no scarf of woman he wore
>his face from all was hidden
>  by the visor of steel he bore
>
>
>full of love and duty dear
>  faithful to his dream
>AMD on his shield he traced
>  in his own blood stream
>
>
>crusading knights in palestine
>  among the rocks so bare
>into battle wildly dashing
>  called on their ladies fair
>
>
>lumen coeli sancta rosa!
>  wild and fierce he cried
>and struck down as if by thunder
>  many muslims died
>
>
>returning to his distant castle
>  there he lived and sighed
>ever silent. sad. and cheerless
>  of reason bereft he died.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>>and with all your 
>>fantastic capacities you did not take tasks, choices and risks.
>
>is your milk of human kindness appealing to my boyish sensitivity +?
>you may drown it.

i think it is even to appealing, 
and for your boyish sensitivity
i can danse, i can stay for a portrait, 
i can write you mails,
but my sensitivity is directed towards a man, not a god and
not a boy.
i don't like if someone wants to infantilise me, or,
does not accept fertility as part of my feminity and my body.

 
>
>as i entered i received a gift: a death sentence.
>and then ... it struck 11. t!!!!ng ...
>2 eyes brimming with pain and determination ...
>opened into the most beautiful worlds i have felt


you must end the metanoia and take your place in the 
hiererachy.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>>>i do the usual patriarchal nonsense.
>>>i stay at home and cook. and fulfill women's wishes. i don't know tehnologi and
>> i am 
>>weak.
>>>[ud kred!t u abr du = hav 01 reputaz!e 2 uphold]
>>
>>do you want me to beleive this?
>
>do you believe in your self +?
>A LIE!
>will you die for your self +?
>
>there is always a little light before the icon in my room

you see light, yes,
but i see light only when i arrive.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>>it's very nice that you cook. 
>
>and eat without cutlery
>
>and lie on the floor
>and make a fist and hold it tightly
>until evening 
>
>run through the cemetery
>and fall inside a dark forest at midnight
>and howl and cry
>name 
>less
>and return at dawn 
>marked for life
>
>
>
>
>>it's good if you can afford to stay home if you want 
>
>all is full of coincidences.
>one house faces a church. 
>
>the other - a cemetery. 
>in the foyer there is a very beautiful ost.europa like bell.
>once in a while it murmurs a few courteous words ... in a dejekted tone


yes, 
one builds the house that he inherited.
i do me too.
oops. in the book here is 'we'.
>
>
>
>>- it pleases you or you have duties - 
>>and not because simply becuase of other's wishes. 
>>i encourage you to learn the technology you might need. 
>
>we learn what we need

yes?
>
>
>
>
>>shall i teach you?
>
>i like icons
>why did you smile

because you were loving, and i appreciate that a lot.
>
>
>
>>and also would advice you to become your woman's partner instead 
>>of fulfilling her wishes.
>
>she is a paragon of perfection maintenant
>
>
>
>
>>>and why of course +?
>>>
>>>i dont admire nor appreciate my self. everything i do is meaningless. 
>>>[deeeeeeeeeep breath!ng ....] i dont have that greatest of all things 
>>>- the love of a woman [a not so modern one]
>>
>>I can tell you how humans conquer: 
>>they make courtship, 
>>they come with their flowers, they take girls out, 
>>they say nice words, 
>>they make plans
>>and they confess their wishes. 
>
>
>i wish to moisten your lips and drop your head lower

i am always moist
 
>
>
>
>
>>than they kiss.
>
>my handwriting is very good
as good as a kiss?



>
>
>
>
>>you ask me a copy of a tape i don't have anymore and you offer something that i 
>>don't think is a priviledge. I lost a lot of amail addresses not so long ago, all i 
ca
>>n give you is a list of people who have the tape.
>
>lovely.

>>>perhaps that need needs to become a want +?
>>>shall i hold your hand +?
>>
>>yes, that's very nice from you, very warm.
>
>velvet touch. if it compliments yours - please keep it.
>
>
>
>
>you are very intelligent.
>
>do you think i am deceiving you +?

do you want to deceive me? i hope not, and you can't really.
there is no mirror and mirrored
only one reality. 

greetings,
anna balint

>