No subject

[integer at www.god-emil.dk]

anna balint <epistolaris at freemail.hu>

>>http://www.god-emil.dk/m9ndfukc/data/picz/z!mpat!e.4.flu!d!t!.jpg
>>
>>you want +?
>
>
>of course i don't want, 

my grandmother commented similarly of several girls
whilst our fingerprints tiptoed merrily around into breakfast. 01 veranda. 01 summer day. 01 ost europa village.
the sun immense in the sky poured forth upon the world.

then our eyes twinkled and the butterflies opened their mouth ...

and the strawberries ... 


>you also know very well how terrible is if sex and 
>reproduction is under state control. 

i dont. a modern im ec le sold the garden. \2 buy happiness
it took me more than a decade to find it. then i scared it away ...
because 


>one of my worse trauma
>comes from an asexual dictatorship, where women and girls were forced to
>monthly gynecological control, not speaking about all the rest of the nightmare.

it appears [based on others' accounts] the current `gynecological control` is
more frequent kompliments NATO's humanitarian assistance -
in which case we again happily observe progress is inevitable



>not speaking about all the rest of the nightmare.

i'll call for tea. please continue.




>i don't even dear to think that companies can have this kind of control. 

companies of people with arms full of humanitarian assistance are made

tzo hard 2 d!zapear
re:apear re:apear
! kanot refra!n

like walking the streets
stroking their egos
for a dressing gown





>>>of course i admire you and i appreciate you,
>>
>>why +?
>
>because you are intelligent, 

intelligence does not bind humans
despite the extravagant efforts of our neu+improved society 
intelligence does not bind humans




>and stronger than me, 

sometimes before. some modern place. suicide is the only thing one can begin and end
of one's own free will. 

to believe in something. to believe in someone.




>and stronger than me, 

`clever` sentiment. 
you select to think \so\ because you arent quite your self maintenant.
we are swimming in a sea of modern sickness and delirium.

i am not stronger than you \4\ i am not you. 
strength is what binds us.



>and you have sense of humour [sometimes].

sense of humour and strength are entangled.
and something else is entangled. 

friktion



>how many times i thought, 

we want. and what we want is more wealth. and therefore less strength.
prosperity and riches. faster and faster communication. and therefore less strength.

we want. and what we want is comfort. and therefore less waters of life.
we want and we are cowards. we need. and therefore less strength.

we follow a regimen of fear.
from spectacle to dinner to dinner to spectacle. `lovely` people. cloying and sweet.
we stroke and congratulate. clever lies. plastic silent politics. 
and therefore less strength.
a workaholic's orgasm.


half the strength of a cricket pinned + burning. like a refreshment on a stake. 

where is anything resembling love
beneath this polluted noisy HAPPINESS star.

hell - where is en joy ing






>that it is well said, or well done

more kontraktz. i default

bread is less important than enjoying bread





>parachuting, 

gentl! + not tzo gentl!.
fschhhh





>the panelkapcsolat, all the movies, the mails...
>i liked when you were a dolphin too.

coughing blood. schivers in 20c weather. deeply entangled + simply.superior
YES PL EASE. futurological kongress++





>but i regret that it is all so dramatic, full of tension, neutral, 
>immune and impersonal, 


as she indicated - i am nobody. xerox

there was a knight. poor and brave
  slow of speech and plain
sad and pale and lonely
  but proud and disdainful of gain


his eyes were shut and blind to all
  but the image in them cast
his heart was locked and guarded
  to keep his secret fast

not a word to woman he spoke
  no look of soft appeal
to the grave he'd sworn to take
  his vision true as steel

round his neck a rosary
  no scarf of woman he wore
his face from all was hidden
  by the visor of steel he bore


full of love and duty dear
  faithful to his dream
AMD on his shield he traced
  in his own blood stream


crusading knights in palestine
  among the rocks so bare
into battle wildly dashing
  called on their ladies fair


lumen coeli sancta rosa!
  wild and fierce he cried
and struck down as if by thunder
  many muslims died


returning to his distant castle
  there he lived and sighed
ever silent. sad. and cheerless
  of reason bereft he died.








>and with all your 
>fantastic capacities you did not take tasks, choices and risks.

is your milk of human kindness appealing to my boyish sensitivity +?
you may drown it.

as i entered i received a gift: a death sentence.
and then ... it struck 11. t!!!!ng ...
2 eyes brimming with pain and determination ...
opened into the most beautiful worlds i have felt








>>i do the usual patriarchal nonsense.
>>i stay at home and cook. and fulfill women's wishes. i don't know tehnologi and
> i am 
>weak.
>>[ud kred!t u abr du = hav 01 reputaz!e 2 uphold]
>
>do you want me to beleive this?

do you believe in your self +?
A LIE!
will you die for your self +?

there is always a little light before the icon in my room






>it's very nice that you cook. 

and eat without cutlery

and lie on the floor
and make a fist and hold it tightly
until evening 

run through the cemetery
and fall inside a dark forest at midnight
and howl and cry
name 
less
and return at dawn 
marked for life




>it's good if you can afford to stay home if you want 

all is full of coincidences.
one house faces a church. 

the other - a cemetery. 
in the foyer there is a very beautiful ost.europa like bell.
once in a while it murmurs a few courteous words ... in a dejekted tone



>- it pleases you or you have duties - 
>and not because simply becuase of other's wishes. 
>i encourage you to learn the technology you might need. 

we learn what we need




>shall i teach you?

i like icons
why did you smile



>and also would advice you to become your woman's partner instead 
>of fulfilling her wishes.

she is a paragon of perfection maintenant




>>and why of course +?
>>
>>i dont admire nor appreciate my self. everything i do is meaningless. 
>>[deeeeeeeeeep breath!ng ....] i dont have that greatest of all things 
>>- the love of a woman [a not so modern one]
>
>I can tell you how humans conquer: 
>they make courtship, 
>they come with their flowers, they take girls out, 
>they say nice words, 
>they make plans
>and they confess their wishes. 


i wish to moisten your lips and drop your head lower





>than they kiss.

my handwriting is very good





>you ask me a copy of a tape i don't have anymore and you offer something that i 
>don't think is a priviledge. I lost a lot of amail addresses not so long ago, all i ca
>n give you is a list of people who have the tape.

lovely.



>>perhaps that need needs to become a want +?
>>shall i hold your hand +?
>
>yes, that's very nice from you, very warm.

velvet touch. if it compliments yours - please keep it.




you are very intelligent.

do you think i am deceiving you +?