[syndicate] speed.

[Alan Sondheim]

speed.

i can't slow up. death is an hysteria. i don't care about your gender. i
send out work as soon as it's done. i make work as soon as i think of it.
i read as fast as i can. i watch news and practice music while i read. i
know if i slow up i'll die. i know there will be a missive or missile here
in this space that will not be sent. i know the missive will be the tag or
curlicue. i know it will be the conjunction of my death. i read the con-
junction as not both life and death. i read the conjunction as neither
life nor death. i eat fast. i never sleep properly. i dream theory and
practice. i hunt on the internet. i shape ride on the internet. i speak
here and do not speak elsewhere. speech is a privilege. i cannot pronounce
other languages in proper order. i cannot pronounce the rudiments of
speech. i breath fast. i get out of breath fast. death promises slowing.
death does not halt. i watch myself as i speak. i watch myself as i
remember. i remember remembering. i remember what i have forgotten. i
watch my brain at work. i remember watching. i know what i forget will be
my last. i know if i forgot i should be reminded to die. i am afraid of
being reminded to die. life is a remission. life is under remission. i
cannot keep up with myself. i watch myself ahead of myself. i am never
behind. i am always ahead. if i am comfortable with speed i am not speed-
ing. i must speed into discomfort. i must be beyond myself. i must be
beyond ahead of myself. i play music fast. i want to get all the music out
before i can no longer play music. i want to get out this absolute music.
i want to theorize as bulwark and therapeutic. i want to theorize before i
can no longer theorize. before i can no longer theorize in complexity. i
guard my theorization. i guard my brain and my speed. if i think of a
sentence i say that sentence. if i think of a poem i write that poem. if i
have an idea i write that idea. if i think of a video i make that video. i
make that video when i think of the video. i edit that video while i make
that video. i am afraid of passing out. i am afraid of dizziness. i speed
through dizziness. if i stop i will die. if i die this thought will not be
finished. i must finish this thought. i have a new thought now.