A Net Artist and his Desires

[furtherfield]

A Net Artist and his Desires

OK. I admit it. I was an exploitative trendy net artist who used other net
artists so to get on. Before I was married I got many a male net artist to
do a lot of things for me. Buy me drinks, build me computers, do special
errands, copy me their very latest software, fix hardware. I even lived with
one net artist for a couple of years just because he gave me gifts and
hosted a lot of my net projects on his internationally renowned web site.
Which was pretty cool because it was seen as one of the best. It was sharp
with an abstract edge and not too actively political, so not to scare away
the more institutionally connected dudes. It was about that time that my
work was noticed by one of the most exclusive Internet Art curators in
America. This pushed my career to the top of the net hierarchy; I was
suddenly recognized by trans-humanists everywhere, promoting my work as the
future way to go. Linking my work to the ideas of contemporary net theorist
'Larry Nositch'.

I was at the pinnacle of my net art career and my work was exhibited online
alongside 'Stimp-Tastic', 'If So Code So I Am So So' and the legendary
'heroic' god of all net artists, 'Herbert Slump'. It was like all my dreams
had come true, I was relevant and extremely fashionable.

Soon after that my life changed. I eventually married for love and put my
net art career on the back burner, saying that all net art after my own and
my peers, was not net art but pastiche. Now just empty gestures, connected
by deluded revisionist history, blank canons firing misplaced assumptions.

At first it was easy for me to it give up, but over the last year my
marriage has been strained with financial burdens as well as long periods of
separation. My wife Sandy has been sneaking off to various elite net
conferences around the world. You see, there are only a few whom are
selected for these conferences and I was not one of them because I kind of
put a few noses out of joint. I threw away my heroic ambassadorial house
points when I ignored Larry Nositch's emails after retiring from the net
scene.

I do feel a bit of a shit really. He had put so much effort in selling me up
just before I rushed off and got married. That really pissed him off because
his wife was very keen in exploring my 'Omega Points'. With her being a
re-born trans-humanist and all. She always said that the human body was
merely a transient receptacle, a clumsy host waiting for us to enter the
next phase of cyber orientated evolution. Brenda Hopper to made it her
personal mission to explore in detail the inner workings of male and female
net artists.

When Sandy was away on one of her many trips without me. I would feel so
lonely that I would look at the phone wondering whether to phone up Larry
and Brenda, apologizing for not being what they thought that I was. Oh to
meet them once more and let bygones be what fate is, a chance, a playful
dream of possibilities. The temptation to just give myself, all myself over
to them and become part of the scene again. Let them unfold my inner
workings and slip back into the net art void. Ah, the easiness of it all,
the comfort of acceptance, kissing the jewel but denying the need and
replacing it all with desire. I can almost smell the pillows.

I could of done it and made it happen in a second but there was my wife to
consider. Even though she had started exploring net art occasions against my
will. I could not let such a massive shift to occur in our relationship, I
still loved her. Although it was essential to venture out of my everyday
rhythms and mannerisms it was too close to home, it had to be a secret.

So I waited until something better turned up. It took a steely nerve and a
perverse patience. I saved my dollars up so one could afford to pay for
these precious desires. My prayers were soon answered when I discovered this
amazing Internet site called 'Net Trans-humanist Subjectivity'. I actually
hit myself when I stumbled upon it. I felt stupid for not thinking of it
sooner and within thirty minutes I had set up a rendezvous with another male
net artist who was for hire. When I placed my order I asked for a radical
male trans-humanist net artist.

He turned out to be a young man living in a college. It surprised me. It was
a new type of learning academy for those who are specifically researching
biotechnology and nano-technology, funded by Stale University and the
Skunkfeller foundation. His teeth were brighter than Liberace's and his
muscles well toned, as well as his mental abilities.

We went back to his place. It was a small room and our privacy was
questionable, it reminded me of my college days and I was more than willing
to go for it. It was very exciting, but we had barely gotten started when
some lanky roommate of his came back unexpectedly (with some loser friends)
and ruined the moment. I left after that and decided I'd try someone a
little more mature. Reminiscing my college days is one thing, but being
gawked at by a bunch of pimply immature trans-humanist geeks is not my
style.

With my second try I found Billy Mantra. With him I have had some of the
wildest experiences that one could ever wish for. He's a trans-humanist net
nomad and he has a beautifully tanned body. He is politically active and
culturally connected. Regularly crashing and hacking Net Art sites that he
believes are blindly furthering the invalid cause of what has lately been
termed as 'Dead Net Narrative'. I get a protrudance just looking at him
without his shirt.

The first time I met Billy was at his apartment and we exchanged visceral
and communal identities for an entire afternoon. Our vertical blood sticks
met, parallel in communion like a couple of heavenly entwined angels. Our
love swords were drawn pulsing with heaving bulging nerves, bursting at the
seams.

I think of his place as my secret love hideaway and an emotional, physical
and intellectual aerobics center. I've done everything for him that I do for
my wife, well almost, and he's really into athletic positions. After being
with him I find that I have a bit of trouble looking, seeing things, my eyes
are always blurred. It's as though my vision has been shaken out of kilter -
the after affects of two solid hours of exploring each other's quantitative
pressures. Which is strange, for I can see clearly from inside, from inside
of my heart.

It's not the only place we've ever done it though. I almost left my wife so
I could be with Billy and things got a little bit crazy for a few weeks. We
did it in a lot of public places, but the wildest was in a park at sunrise.
I also snuck him into my house a few times, but we were almost caught once
so we stopped. We've returned to a regular schedule of getting together at
the hideaway though, his home.

I know it's selfish, but it just seems natural to have more than one Net
artist lover. I actually intended to have a lot of one-night stands when I
fist started looking for lovers online at 'Net Trans-humanist Subjectivity',
but the way I see it Billy has the energy of ten Net artists so it hasn't
been necessary.

We've come to an understanding that our relationship is just casual and he
has now started dating other net artists, quite frequently. He tells me
everything, and it is kind of fun to hear about his exploits. Sometimes I
worry that he's going to find someone special and our affair will end, but
it's only a mild worry. I assume it will happen eventually. Besides, I know
just where to go to replace him if all goes topsy-turvy.