Fwd: stoopid cells

[Joseph Gray]

Begin forwarded message:

> From: "Anton Z"
>
>

>
> The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby 
> English will be the official language of the European Union rather 
> than German, which was
> the other possibility.
>
> As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that 
> English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- 
> year phase-in
> plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
>
> In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will 
> make the sivil servants jump with joy.
>
> The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up 
> konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
>
> There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the 
> troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like 
> fotograf 20% shorter.
>
> In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted 
> to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
>
> Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have 
> always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
>
> Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the langua 
> is disgrasful and it should go away.
>
> By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" 
> with "z" and "w" with "v".
>
> During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords 
> kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl 
> riten styl.
>
> Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu 
> understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
>
> Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in 
> ze forst plas.