[syndicate] My Secret

[marc]

I have read 'Dirty Weekend',
and need to read it again, to remind myself how good it is, and was....

I have recently been reading some Kathy Acker again 'Don Quixote' - 
although my fave of hers is 'Blood and guts in high school'.

m.


>But it is not so easy as hetero SM
>
>do you know the end of the book?
>
>
>----- Original Message ----- 
>From: "marc" <marc.garrett at furtherfield.org>
>To: <syndicate at anart.no>
>Sent: Monday, December 12, 2005 1:51 AM
>Subject: Re: [syndicate] My Secret
>
>
>http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/images/n12/n64959.jpg
>
>of course :-)
>
>m.
>
>
>  
>
>>Hello Marc,
>>
>>
>>Of course I prefer
>>
>>Helen Zahavi
>>
>>
>>Aliette
>>
>>
>>----- Original Message ----- 
>>From: "marc" <marc.garrett at furtherfield.org>
>>To: <syndicate at anart.no>
>>Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2005 10:57 PM
>>Subject: [syndicate] My Secret
>>
>>
>>My Secret
>>
>>I won't make any excuses for anything that I've done and I don't think I
>>should have to. In college I have explored as many clever young guys as
>>I could. It felt like a playful, perverse discourse and a pleasurable
>>protest against the other unchallenging females. Believing that I can be
>>a carouser and still maintain an essence of genius as well. The mommy’s
>>girls swatted on, studying about their potential future careers,
>>researching all those faulty de-educational blueprints of life. I was
>>exploring instinctive motions wrapped with an intellect with many
>>variants in respect of aspects of living thrown in as well. OK,
>>sometimes I got milk on my face, but it had calcium and nutrients; at
>>least I was healthy. Unlike those, sun petrified bimbos worrying about
>>their snotty pimples bursting under the heat, who thought studying
>>handed down ideas, text and institutional propaganda would make them
>>somehow wiser. When they were really just trained up commodities, taught
>>how to bandwagon jump through selected hoops, swallowing handed down
>>mythologies disguised as real histories.
>>
>>Nope, I could see through all that crap. Even if though shit does sell
>>very well in this disposable world, that’s not an excuse to do it; I
>>could have done a great good job at selling such bile. I do have my
>>self-respect and have managed to maintain my psychological dignity. At
>>that same time though, I didn't make any effort to conceal anything I
>>did, which does have its drawbacks. Many of the college girls began to
>>get jealous due to their boyfriends discussing new numerous ideas that
>>we had shared together, and were very frustrated that it was not
>>featured on their curriculum. I was too idealistic and I found out the
>>hard way that one woman can't make much of a difference to change the
>>world. The reputation I acquired made life very difficult for me during
>>the three years that I went to college. I've learned from my blunders. I
>>don't consider anything I did as big mistakes, the only real regret I
>>have is not taking steps to be more discrete.
>>
>>After college I got married and my life changed a lot. I settled into
>>married life easily and became a faithful wife. My husband is amazing
>>and has a very flexible imagination and he always satisfies me. The only
>>sort of experience that I have missed over the four years we've been
>>together is the excitement and sensations of getting cerebrally
>>challenged by two guys at the same time. Men who are well endowed with
>>uncommon vigor of mind and superior intellectual faculties have always
>>turned me on. Threesome were my favourite in college and I learnt loads.
>>
>>I thought that I could put everything behind me until I discovered ‘Net,
>>Mind and Body.org’ on the Internet and I couldn't resist signing up. I
>>love my husband and I know I'm not supposed to cheat, but if he never
>>finds out, how can it harm him?
>>
>>I've only done it once and I didn't have anyone else to tell, so I
>>figure it's better if the whole world hears my story (with all names
>>changed of course). I love it that the net is so anonymous. I didn't
>>just meet up with a couple of guys right away. It took me a few weeks of
>>going online and checking out profiles and cogitative faculties and
>>various charts of many types of males until I mustered up the courage to
>>meet two ‘Net, Mind and Body.org’ guys in person. ‘Net, Mind and
>>Body.org’ was a site that harboured many individual members who shared
>>hypothetical conceptualizations online and with each other personally on
>>a regular basis. Many of the interactive, virtual experiences I shared
>>with men on the site were very stimulating, causing my third ventricle
>>to pulse in a way that I have never felt before. It was amazing.
>>
>>I can remember sharing the supposition that imposed cultural
>>deconstruction was potentially a subconscious yell for a collective,
>>orgone revolution via institutionalized parenting. Which to the
>>layperson means having a revolution whilst holding onto your parents’
>>hands at the same time as being aroused by their adult knowingness yet
>>still questioning their roles and too scared to actually create real
>>change. And when someone suddenly said that the most virulent forms of
>>humanism carries with it a normative component that would in its self,
>>escape any realistic or truthful analysis due to humanities inner
>>intricacies, and they are impossible to measure by traditional science
>>alone. My pineal gland exploded into an ignitable, over stimulated
>>intellectual series of flushes followed by involuntary muscle
>>contractions. Believe me, it felt good.
>>
>>Everything went better than I could have hoped for. The two ‘Net, Mind
>>and Body.org’ guys possessed exceptional clarity and an agility of
>>intellect as well as invention. They also did everything I asked them to
>>do. They'd never had a threesome before and I sort of felt like a
>>director in a movie. I wish I had it all on film now, oh well.
>>
>>We met in a public park. I picked them up in my car and drove them to my
>>chosen secret haven, a motel well out of the way. Once we had keys to
>>the room I parked the car and told the guys to go inside and be fully
>>undressed and wait for me while I found a suitable parking spot. I was a
>>little disappointed they didn't do as I asked - they weren't waiting
>>undraped for me. I then realized that they were too shy about being
>>exposed in front of each other while I wasn't there. I had to dismantle
>>my own clothing first and then they let me dishabille them one at a time.
>>I then siphoned off their metaphorical projectiles of immense, impelling
>>force while they still had their pants around their ankles. After that I
>>situated my self horizontally on the bedstead and commanded each of them
>>to bestow their dianoetic qualities all over me. Maybe it's just that I
>>hadn't been with two guys for so long, but I had the best mutual
>>biogenesis stirrings of my life. One of the guys expounded to the other
>>that `we are currently existing forms of continuity, heightened by the
>>occurrence of mutual suspense’. The other agreed and then mentioned that
>>my elongated erectile, tissue was filling with blood and was now quite
>>rigid and it seemed to be very sensitive to intellectual stimuli. I
>>agreed, while trying to catch my breath.
>>
>>My expression offered immediate respect of deference as we enhanced and
>>harmonised our reciprocal, individual and mutually supportive selves
>>just as though we were in a just and equal society. I was riding one guy
>>while masticating his friend's academically well defined and finely
>>sprung pedestal. Then they switched places, only the second guy eased
>>his motivation into my geometric postulate as preparation for the main
>>event. As soon as I was able to take a whole hypothesis up my stratum I
>>got them to doubly appropriate me and adjust my state of mind and take a
>>solid position towards their shared dissertation. Firstly, all three of
>>us were lying on our side and then I received one of the guys’ proposed
>>notions, while the other entered his synopsis into my unprotected rear
>>guard argumentation. Any woman that has not felt what's it's like to be
>>intellectually influenced by a vigorous exertion with such erudite
>>persuasions by two males at once, have denied themselves an experience
>>so ultimate, that they should be ashamed of themselves.
>>
>>The guys paused a few times to administer some kind of discursive and
>>liberal lubrication onto my prominent and negotiable framework, thus
>>making it easier to penetrate my deep and well informed, sense of
>>reasoning. Both guys discharged their collected and accumulated
>>ideologies into my interior subjective void, almost at the same time. I
>>could feel every interjection unfolding, getting larger, expanding via
>>the conscious act of understanding, as they were shooting into every
>>inner space, awakening my proclivity. I had a shower soon after and left
>>while both guys were asleep on the same bed.
>>
>>So that's my story and that's how it happened. I hope it strikes a cord
>>for those who are caught up in the trappings of conventional thought,
>>denying their own liberation. I haven't done it again with the same guys
>>or anyone else, but I must admit that I have been tempted. I'll probably
>>hold out for a few months, maybe even a couple of years. I've even
>>thought about including my husband, but I don't think that will ever
>>happen. It's not a big deal really, I like having my own secrets.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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