[syndicate] My Secret

[Aliette Guibert]

Hello Marc,


Of course I prefer

Helen Zahavi


Aliette


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "marc" <marc.garrett at furtherfield.org>
To: <syndicate at anart.no>
Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2005 10:57 PM
Subject: [syndicate] My Secret


My Secret

I won't make any excuses for anything that I've done and I don't think I
should have to. In college I have explored as many clever young guys as
I could. It felt like a playful, perverse discourse and a pleasurable
protest against the other unchallenging females. Believing that I can be
a carouser and still maintain an essence of genius as well. The mommy’s
girls swatted on, studying about their potential future careers,
researching all those faulty de-educational blueprints of life. I was
exploring instinctive motions wrapped with an intellect with many
variants in respect of aspects of living thrown in as well. OK,
sometimes I got milk on my face, but it had calcium and nutrients; at
least I was healthy. Unlike those, sun petrified bimbos worrying about
their snotty pimples bursting under the heat, who thought studying
handed down ideas, text and institutional propaganda would make them
somehow wiser. When they were really just trained up commodities, taught
how to bandwagon jump through selected hoops, swallowing handed down
mythologies disguised as real histories.

Nope, I could see through all that crap. Even if though shit does sell
very well in this disposable world, that’s not an excuse to do it; I
could have done a great good job at selling such bile. I do have my
self-respect and have managed to maintain my psychological dignity. At
that same time though, I didn't make any effort to conceal anything I
did, which does have its drawbacks. Many of the college girls began to
get jealous due to their boyfriends discussing new numerous ideas that
we had shared together, and were very frustrated that it was not
featured on their curriculum. I was too idealistic and I found out the
hard way that one woman can't make much of a difference to change the
world. The reputation I acquired made life very difficult for me during
the three years that I went to college. I've learned from my blunders. I
don't consider anything I did as big mistakes, the only real regret I
have is not taking steps to be more discrete.

After college I got married and my life changed a lot. I settled into
married life easily and became a faithful wife. My husband is amazing
and has a very flexible imagination and he always satisfies me. The only
sort of experience that I have missed over the four years we've been
together is the excitement and sensations of getting cerebrally
challenged by two guys at the same time. Men who are well endowed with
uncommon vigor of mind and superior intellectual faculties have always
turned me on. Threesome were my favourite in college and I learnt loads.

I thought that I could put everything behind me until I discovered ‘Net,
Mind and Body.org’ on the Internet and I couldn't resist signing up. I
love my husband and I know I'm not supposed to cheat, but if he never
finds out, how can it harm him?

I've only done it once and I didn't have anyone else to tell, so I
figure it's better if the whole world hears my story (with all names
changed of course). I love it that the net is so anonymous. I didn't
just meet up with a couple of guys right away. It took me a few weeks of
going online and checking out profiles and cogitative faculties and
various charts of many types of males until I mustered up the courage to
meet two ‘Net, Mind and Body.org’ guys in person. ‘Net, Mind and
Body.org’ was a site that harboured many individual members who shared
hypothetical conceptualizations online and with each other personally on
a regular basis. Many of the interactive, virtual experiences I shared
with men on the site were very stimulating, causing my third ventricle
to pulse in a way that I have never felt before. It was amazing.

I can remember sharing the supposition that imposed cultural
deconstruction was potentially a subconscious yell for a collective,
orgone revolution via institutionalized parenting. Which to the
layperson means having a revolution whilst holding onto your parents’
hands at the same time as being aroused by their adult knowingness yet
still questioning their roles and too scared to actually create real
change. And when someone suddenly said that the most virulent forms of
humanism carries with it a normative component that would in its self,
escape any realistic or truthful analysis due to humanities inner
intricacies, and they are impossible to measure by traditional science
alone. My pineal gland exploded into an ignitable, over stimulated
intellectual series of flushes followed by involuntary muscle
contractions. Believe me, it felt good.

Everything went better than I could have hoped for. The two ‘Net, Mind
and Body.org’ guys possessed exceptional clarity and an agility of
intellect as well as invention. They also did everything I asked them to
do. They'd never had a threesome before and I sort of felt like a
director in a movie. I wish I had it all on film now, oh well.

We met in a public park. I picked them up in my car and drove them to my
chosen secret haven, a motel well out of the way. Once we had keys to
the room I parked the car and told the guys to go inside and be fully
undressed and wait for me while I found a suitable parking spot. I was a
little disappointed they didn't do as I asked - they weren't waiting
undraped for me. I then realized that they were too shy about being
exposed in front of each other while I wasn't there. I had to dismantle
my own clothing first and then they let me dishabille them one at a time.
I then siphoned off their metaphorical projectiles of immense, impelling
force while they still had their pants around their ankles. After that I
situated my self horizontally on the bedstead and commanded each of them
to bestow their dianoetic qualities all over me. Maybe it's just that I
hadn't been with two guys for so long, but I had the best mutual
biogenesis stirrings of my life. One of the guys expounded to the other
that `we are currently existing forms of continuity, heightened by the
occurrence of mutual suspense’. The other agreed and then mentioned that
my elongated erectile, tissue was filling with blood and was now quite
rigid and it seemed to be very sensitive to intellectual stimuli. I
agreed, while trying to catch my breath.

My expression offered immediate respect of deference as we enhanced and
harmonised our reciprocal, individual and mutually supportive selves
just as though we were in a just and equal society. I was riding one guy
while masticating his friend's academically well defined and finely
sprung pedestal. Then they switched places, only the second guy eased
his motivation into my geometric postulate as preparation for the main
event. As soon as I was able to take a whole hypothesis up my stratum I
got them to doubly appropriate me and adjust my state of mind and take a
solid position towards their shared dissertation. Firstly, all three of
us were lying on our side and then I received one of the guys’ proposed
notions, while the other entered his synopsis into my unprotected rear
guard argumentation. Any woman that has not felt what's it's like to be
intellectually influenced by a vigorous exertion with such erudite
persuasions by two males at once, have denied themselves an experience
so ultimate, that they should be ashamed of themselves.

The guys paused a few times to administer some kind of discursive and
liberal lubrication onto my prominent and negotiable framework, thus
making it easier to penetrate my deep and well informed, sense of
reasoning. Both guys discharged their collected and accumulated
ideologies into my interior subjective void, almost at the same time. I
could feel every interjection unfolding, getting larger, expanding via
the conscious act of understanding, as they were shooting into every
inner space, awakening my proclivity. I had a shower soon after and left
while both guys were asleep on the same bed.

So that's my story and that's how it happened. I hope it strikes a cord
for those who are caught up in the trappings of conventional thought,
denying their own liberation. I haven't done it again with the same guys
or anyone else, but I must admit that I have been tempted. I'll probably
hold out for a few months, maybe even a couple of years. I've even
thought about including my husband, but I don't think that will ever
happen. It's not a big deal really, I like having my own secrets.





----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----


>
> -----Syndicate mailinglist-----------------------
> Syndicate network for media culture and media art
> information and archive: http://syndicate.anart.no
> to post to the Syndicate list: <syndicate at anart.no>
> Shake the KKnut: http://syndicate.anart.no/KKnut/
> no commercial use of the texts without permission