down

[Alan Sondheim]

down

my a arms a and w wrists a are h hurting. i i'm i in p pain a a g good d
deal o of t the t time. i i can't s sleep a at a all a anymore. b bad m
memories o of f florida c create n nightmare university d dreams. i i'm n
nervous a all t the t time a afraid o of m money r running o out.  i s see
m my h health d disappearing. i i w will b become a addicted t to c
codeine. i i d dream of s somnolence. i i h have m megalomaniac d dreams o
of s success. s sometimes i i f feel deeply b betrayed. i i c can't s
stand m my b body. i if i it w wasn't f for a azure i i'd probably g give
u up e everything a at t the m moment. i i d don't t think i i'm p
particularly good f for h her. i i w wouldn't w want t to b be t the f
friend o of a anyone w who h has m me f for a a friend. i i'm f far t too
n needy a and d demanding f for m my f friends. i i k keep f feeling t the
world i is f falling a apart. i i k keep h hoping s social g glue w will h
hold i it t together. at t times i i g get s slight t twinges i in m my b
brain l left f frontal w which i i'm s sure someday w will k kill m me. i
i w worry a about b being t too f forgetful a and g going s senile. i w
worry a about t the r rage i i e engender e everywhere a around m me. i i
d don't s seem t to stop g gaining c cholesterol p points e even t though
i i d diet c constantly. m my w weight is f far t too m much a and i i s
still c can't l look a at m myself i in a a m mirror. i i f feel d death
is j just a around t the c corner. i i r run o out o of b breath f far t
too e easily a and m my c chest hurts.  my h hearing s seems v variable w
which l leads m me t to b believe i in e early confusion. m my f fingers h
hurt o on o occasion a and m my m mouth m muscles d don't h hold their e
embrochure.  i'm a a c complete f failure a at e earning m money o or h
holding a a job. m my f family p places n no v value a at a all o on w
what i i a actually d do w which i isolates me f from t them. i i n
nervously c count m my p positioning o on g googol a as i if t that w
would ensure i immortality. i i t tear m myself a apart r remorselessly f
for p past s sins a and omissions. i i h honestly b believe t this c
country i is h heading r relentlessly t towards fascism. i i s see n no a
absolute r reason t to b believe i in p peace o or f freedom. i i s see n
no absolute r reason t to b believe i in a any e environmental c concern.
m my b beliefs a are without f foundation a and i i s speak u up m much t
too f frequently. i i a am o obscene a and obnoxious. i i'm f far t too f
frightened f for s suicide. l lying a awake a at n night l like this i i f
find m myself s suspended f from h human c contact. i i d don't w want t
to b be a a burden o on a azure e either n now o or i in m my o own a age.
i i a am a absolutely c convinced that t the e enlightenment i is a all t
that i is l left.  evil r rears i its h head i in t the name o of t the g
good. i i c can't f focus o on c change i i h have a a h hard t time b
believing i in.  my o own d death h haunts m me. i i d died y years a ago.

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