Fw: [thingist] 4/w: a letter from Terry Jones

[clement Thomas]

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Peter von Brandenburg" <blackhawk at thing.net>
To: "Thingist" <thingist at bbs.thing.net>
Sent: Thursday, February 20, 2003 2:44 AM
Subject: [thingist] 4/w: a letter from Terry Jones


> A letter to the London Observer newspaper from Terry Jones (of Monty
> Python fame).
> Letters
> Sunday January 26, 2003
> The Observer
> 
> I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's
> running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really
> pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
> Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me
> queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me,
> but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his
> place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well
> hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I
> know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a
> Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that: if we
> don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my neighbours
> say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply
> ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with
> which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red tape and
> quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all
> the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things
> to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people Since I'm the
> only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I
> reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a
> little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that
> all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do
> whatever I want! And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out
> policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace
> and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide
> bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries
> that have never threatened us. That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's
> garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a
> lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that
> totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to
> know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that
> he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm
> certain I've just a s much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife
> and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is
> to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and
> 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever
> know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out
> all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a
> terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What
> about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to
> eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers,
> have already eliminated themselves. Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out
> everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be
> sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is
> dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism.
> Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate
> all Muslims? It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel a re
> just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the
> street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd
> ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife
> says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same
> logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up. Like Mr
> Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for
> the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole
> street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over
> all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and
> interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over
> nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to
> kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing -
> and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one
> street.
> 
> Sincerely, Terry Jones