Sleazy Art Meetings (6)

[furtherfield]

BlankSleazy Art Meetings (6)

Mechanic tries to Fix up his Art-Life!


I work for myself as a mechanic in my own garage and my main passion is art, especially Internet and performance art. I’m a pretty radical artist I suppose; also have a web site showing ‘Real-time’ web cams as I mend various vehicles. I get over seven hundred hits a day and the toll is rising. Art Action is my life; it is Performance in the Context of Play and Ritual.

I am a very serious artist/mechanic but I possess an urgent need to find another artist, preferably an adventurous female to share new ideas with. Until now, I have only explored one concept and that is fixing cars and showing them online. It’s time to branch out to find a decent cyber fem who is keen on sharing a Dadaist take on life. Hell, even the washing up would be fun with her as we ‘discuss how things mean, rather than what things mean’.

Recently I've been surfing around on the Internet and the other day I found this site called ‘Live behavior System’. It was really cool and I tried the free membership. I played around in the chat rooms and then I found this incredible woman. She was a married artist looking for someone to talk about ‘Live action role-play’. I had her send me a picture of herself and I almost fell off my chair. She was gorgeous, incredibly hot. 

She said that she was very interested in pursuing real art behavior with me but felt self-conscious. I said that she was only experiencing a possessive adjective emotion, which is natural. She said ‘ok, what about her subconscious narrative matrix?’ I must admit I was speechless for a few seconds and I could only think of the film ‘The Matrix’, with all that leatherwear. No decent cars though. 
 
I chatted with her for over an hour and at the end of our talk she told me she wasn't going to do it. I sighed and logged off. The next day I checked the system again and she was online. We chatted and she told me that live action role-play and me was all that she could think about. We talked some more and finally I left the final decision up to her. I suggested that we should both meet each other and try out some art behavior or live action role-play together without web cams, just the two of us.

Either she would show up at my place or she wouldn't. Simple as that. I gave her my address and told her to come by on the weekend. The weekend came and went, and she never showed up. But on Wednesday a woman came into my garage and asked me if I could fix her art-life so it would run more reliably. She had on a blue dress that she filled out perfectly. 

I experienced an almost sculptural sensation, a manifestation of visceral materiality in my pants. She didn't say anything else, she just moved closer to me, dropped to her knees and pulled out my ready-made. Then she slowly explored my personal narrative before giving me the best live Art-Behavior performance that I have ever had in my life. It was amazing; it was like when I saw Picasso’s Guernica, whilst looking through a Kaleidoscope telescope for the first time. It was thought provoking, mesmerizing and all consuming.

It was such an overwhelming deep, ultimate action-type happening, for a moment I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. A mutual function of live action role-play, shared by two people. It was so real that it felt unreal. She climbed up on my metaphorical prodigy and slowly, ever so slowly, submerged it deep down into her situationist grasp. Wow, what a feeling. We tried several unrehearsed, laterally, intuitive positions before I had to pull out my personal critique, I was about to explode. 

Incredible. After she cleaned herself up she told me that she thought she had made a mistake and hurried out of my garage. Suddenly I got loads of phone calls from excited friends and viewers who regularly frequented my web site, it turns out that I accidentally left the web cam on. Many of the phone calls were requests for me to repeat the performance. And then it hit me, I did not turn the web cam on, she did. Dammit! I was set up by a competitive art-activist. Pretending to be into live action role-play and she made a ‘Spectacle’ out of me. I never saw her again, which is too bad because she was an incredible artist.

marc garrett
http://www.furtherfield.org

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