No subject

[Claudia Westermann]

parachutes are playing with me
being before.
one smile because
you will understand the narrative.


			you died with a smile
			leaving me
			with all these questions
			without answers.
			there was no time.
			too small
			just painting for a last time
			the world for you
			what I always did.
			later often angry
			about the missing answers
			I wished, you would have
			answered them
			still not knowing
			there were in me.
			not shooting you were
			blaming yourself
			for an appearance of collaboration
			you decided for.
			the reason was love.
			only one person reaching the secure
			at this time
			other side of the ocean.
			a bitter smile for the order
			they gave to you later.
			they had no idea.
			ten years of horror
			and she was waiting.
			the reason for my existence.
			twentyone years of questions.
			how could you forgive
			without being angry
			without screaming at them.
			how could you communicate.
			today I found the answer
			you provided.
			just the glance of it
			I can see, it is mild, it is pure, it is
			beyond expectation.
			but in comparison
			I am just a beginner
			and still I am missing you.


in memoriam.
it is beyond expectation.
you may join some time,
my given path, you showed.
there are so many things to do.
I will walk
in case
I will welcome you with a smile.

now
collecting parachutes and seeds.